Review: Two’s A Couple, Three’s The Law by Eve Langlais

June 19, 2015 2.5 stars, 2014 Read & Review, 2015 DNF Graveyard Challenge, 2015 Review Challenge, alpha male overload, Book Review, Boring Main Characters, ebook, Enemies/Frienemies to Lovers, Erotic Romance, erotica, fantasy romance, insta-lust, Meh, Menage, Paranormal Romance, prickly pear heroine, Romance, Romantic Comedy, self published, TSTL heroine, unlikeable main characters, vampires, weres 0 ★★½

Review: Two’s A Couple, Three’s The Law by Eve Langlais two-half-stars
Two's A Couple, Three's The Law by Eve Langlais
Published by Eve Langlais on December 1, 2013
Genres: Erotic, Fantasy Romance, Menage, PNR, Romance
Pages: 416
Format: eBook
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Can one woman handle two dominant men intent on staking their claim?

Warning: This story contains adult subject matter and language that is probably not suitable for anyone. (MFM paranormal erotic romance)

Two’s a couple, three’s a ménage, not to mention the law. Welcome to an alternate world where the government gives tax breaks to women who choose to take on two or more men—and werewolves live amongst us.

Despite the laws encouraging polygamy, Chloe isn’t interested in a relationship with one man, let alone two. But all that changes when a werewolf client decides he wants her for more than just legal aid. He’s not alone though. Her nemesis in the courtroom, district attorney Anthony Vanderson, is also intent on seduction.

Caught between two men—naked and panting—she succumbs to passion, gets embroiled in a mystery and learns werewolves aren’t the only creatures living amongst humans.

I consider myself an Eve Lanlais fan – I’ve read and enjoyed many of her books. I also consider myself a fan of menage romances – what can I say? I like reading about a little DP…

When I heard about Two’s A Couple, Three’s The Law being released (December 2013) I was so excited! I rushed out and purchased a copy on release day and settled in for some good reading.

Sadly, Two’s A Couple, Three’s The Law doesn’t live up to what I was expecting. The MC drove me batshit crazy and I wanted to shove a sock down her throat before 20% had passed.

So, let me be honest. I started reading this book on release day in 2013. I stopped because…Chloe drove me crazy and I felt no connection to the characters. But I never removed this book from my TBR and 2015 is the year to clean out those lingering books that I’ve started and not completed. That meant giving Two’s A Couple, Three’s The Law another chance.

Two’s A Couple, Three’s The Law is a full length novel. It’s about 200 pages or so on my ereader and the sex starts pretty early. The world building is quite my style but may not work for others: Langlais gives some information about the world and it’s state via conversations between characters and/or main character musings instead of holding the reader’s hand and explaining every.little.thing. There isn’t a lot of info dumping which I also prefer.

One of the things that annoyed me at the beginning of the book was the MC’s characterization – or rather the dissonance between how the text described the character and the actions of the character. The MC is described as a woman who is not interested in relationship and is in control of her sexuality. She makes no excuses for her desire for sex or indulging in things like one night stands. I love the sex positive female view point. What annoys me were the constant rebuttals of those descriptions. When the MC initially has sex with the vampire, the text gives the impression that the heroine was enthralled to do so (rather of her own free will). Then later, when the MC drives home with the werewolf for the first time, we get this text:

“He didn’t say much, but the hand on my leg, the one with the thumb stroking me, effectively let me know he wouldn’t content himself with just a good night kiss.”

Not quite what I would expect from a women who owned her sexuality in the way the text implies earlier.

The book continues in this vein for a bit: Chloe’s thoughts are rebellious and angry, she wants (whichever) guy that’s trying to move in on her out. Although she thought these things (and the reader gets this info), Chloe never voices these complaints and anger. She just lets either of the two men walk right over her while she castrates herself in her mind, calling herself a slut and worse. Several different times I was on the verge of DNFing this book due to that dissonance. It makes a difficult read (for me).

Chloe got on my nerves quite a bit, to be honest. One of the things she did that blew me way more than I expected was her use of the word “Gawd” (God). Seriously. Couldn’t she come up with a better word? She’s a freaking lawyer, for goodness sake but she has the vocabulary of a 12 year old. *faceplam* I’m tried my best not to do a search for the word but instead I know the word was used at least 38 times. 38 very annoying times. I wanted to slap Chloe every time I saw the word (which was every two pages or so).

Another thing about Chloe that bugs me is her condom thing – as in she fucks one of her men and then bitches at them for not wearing a condom. Umm, seriously chick?? You can’t take 5 seconds to protect yourself?? WTF, girl?! I can’t believe that she pulls this stunt not once but TWICE. *facepalm* I got sick of her banging without any responsibility.

“Really? That’s what you ‘re going to ask me? How did I sleep? Fine. Just fine. As a matter of fact, my whole world is fine. Dandy even. I’m dating a werewolf and a vampire. I’m out of a job, looking at becoming homeless and having a conversation, naked I might add, with two men who are eying me like a piece of steak.”
-pg 134

So, after forcing my way through about 60% of annoying ass Chloe and her “Gawd. My Gawd. Oh my gawd. etc” I finally think the book is going to take a turn in a better direction when BAM! I’m hit with a demon. WTF. Why a demon? What does the demon want? Why is the demon chasing Chloe? I STILL don’t know the answers to these questions because the text doesn’t answer them.

And the ending sorta (ok really) sucked for me.

AND THERE WAS NO DP. NONE AT ALL. I am SO disappointed. The only reason I forced myself through this book was in anticipation of some good and dirty DP. And there was none. I really feel like I need a little Jet Mykles in my life right now – when she does menage I get DP.

GAWD.

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