Review: It’s Alive by S.L. Carpenter

May 30, 2016 Book Review, ebook, Free Read - ePub, self published, short story/Vignette, Weird Shit Wednesday 0

Review: It’s Alive by  S.L. Carpenter one-star
It's Alive by S.L. Carpenter
Published by Self-Published, Smashwords on October 30, 2013
Genres: Horror, Humor, Science Fiction
Pages: 41
Format: eBook
Goodreads
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There’s a time and a place for science and a time and a place for skin to skin.

Mary knows that science works, but yearns for the perfect man to bring her the extreme pleasure she desires. So what’s a Medical Examiner with a degree in genius to do? Build the perfect sex toy.

Playing doctor has never been so much fun...

NOTE: It’s Alive is only available via Amazon at this time.

I dedicate this Weird Shit Wednesday read and review to Christa and DoodlePanda. Because without you guys…I’d never read Weird Shit on Wednesday. 😉

This one right here is some Weird Shit. O_O

I received a copy of It’s Alive as a gift on 20-Aug-2014 which qualifies it for my 2016 The Mt. TBR Struggle is Real challenge!!!! It’s Alive languished on Mt. TBR for 1 year, 8 months.

It’s Alive is the story of Dr. Mary Shelley and her antics. With that name, you already know where Mr. Carpenter is going with this tale. It’s Alive opens with Mary yearning for some deep dick due to vibrator battery death. That sounds awfully crude but it’s a site less crude than what Carpenter wrote. O_O Dr. Shelley is joined in her little romp by her best friend, Inga (I see what you did there, Carpenter).

After the death of her batteries, Mary goes to a local bar to find some big cock. She shoots several guys down before she meets Peter:

“I’m not here to play games. I need to fuck somebody. The batteries died in my vibrator and I am insanely horny and need to get seriously fucked to clear my head so I can think. Are you up for it?”
Swallowing, Peter puffed out his chest like a showboating peacock, “Oh yeah, I’m the man for the job.”
“Good answer. This is a job, I expect to have three orgasms by nights end by either fingers, tongue or cock, so buckle up for the ride.”

Mary goes with Peter home where they proceed to have a night filled with debauchery.

Mary put her wet finger over his mouth, “Shhh, I want to make a few things perfectly clear. I want you quiet except for moaning before you come. I want that mouth either eating my pussy or sucking my nipples. And as long as you have condoms and can keep that great cock hard, I’m going to fuck it.”

Did I mention that Mary is supposed to be “a lethal combination of brains and a smoking hot body” who is a genius but for some strange she works as a medical examiner at the city morgue. Which I find weird. And she’s not even the boss. But this is a Weird Shit Wednesday read so…no sense is required?

Regardless, one night after fucking Peter’s brains out and leaving him with frozen peas on his nuts, Mary gets a shock when Peter and his friends are carted in after a horrific accident – they are in tons of bloody pieces that need to be put together like a puzzle. Mary recognized Peter’s dick, however.

“How the hell can you tell it’s somebody you know from a dismembered dick?”
“Oh, I never forget a cock once I’ve had it. And this man was special. Look it’s still hard.”
Rob put his hand over his mouth and ran out, puking into the garbage can after seeing Mary rub the blood-soaked cock on her cheek and moan with her eyes closed.

*gag*

So. After Mary decides to create her monster, the reader gets treated to a healthy dose of the Male Gaze that is supposedly a Female Gaze. I got quite tired of reading about how hawt Mary thought she was and how desperately she wanted some decent dick that came with good (insert things here). Over and over again we are treated to Mary’s hawtness via the Male Gaze. Because all incredibly intelligent women with genius IQ spend most of the time drooling over men and/or dying for some cock while thinking about how big her tits are. Yeah.

I also feel it necessary to talk about being smart and hot and a women. It happens all the time – there are tons and tons of smart, beautiful women. I include myself in that list…and I have never, ever, EVER been as hard up for some dicking down as Lil’ Miss Mary here. I’m just saying. For the majority of my life, walking outside was the equivalent of a dick street market: men of all ages, colors and shapes shoving their offer of sex in my face…much in the same way a desperate street merchant would. Yeah, sure. Some (read: a lot) men are dumb…but if you hold being dumb against a man you couldn’t date any of them. Once a man even thinks about sex (read: once every 10 seconds) he stops thinking.

Getting back to It’s Alive.

Around 60% Lil’ Miss Mary started to remind me of a man: nothing on the brain but sex. With anyone or anything at any given moment. I mean, the broad started thinking about screwing the (first) first responder that arrives at scene of a horrific accident Mary witnessed. I was gagging because one paragraph would describe the horrific accident (severed body parts, tons of blood) while the next paragraph has Lil’ Miss Mary lusting. Always with the lusting. Her coochie is going to swell up, turn black and fall off from over use + weird appliance use.

Like Wolverine bursting from the water, all wet and muscular, Mary’s man would too. Only hers would be a creation for science. And also for need because she really wanted a personal fuck-toy that didn’t have batteries or strings attached.

I swear. I spent most of this read in a slightly horrified state. Then the ending happened. I really, really liked the ending. Go figure! Jumped it up a 1/2 star!

Weird Shit We Read on Wednesdays

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